the feeling inside. like i am dying and i cant help it. like i am falling off a cliff. i can see him there. looking at me. i extend my hand for him to hold me and pull me back, save me. but he just stands there staring at me with a cold face. that pain and numbness, to know he wont save you. i scream for help, my stare back at him with shocked and pleading eyes. but his expression remains the same watching me fall. letting me go. forever.
tere bin / besides you
sanu sohnia / my love
koi hor nahio labhna / i shan’t find another
jo dave / who’ll give
ruh nu sakun / peace to my soul
chukke jo nakhra mera / and indulge me
ve main sare ghumm ke vekhia / i have gone and seen it all
amrika , roos, malaysia / america, russia, malaysiana
kittey vi koi fark si / there wasn’t any difference
har kise di koi shart si / they all had some condition
koi mangda mera si sama / some asked for my time
koi hunda surat te fida / some were fascinated with my face
koi mangda meri si vafa / some demanded my fidelity
na koi mangda merian bala / none wanted my demons
tere bin / besides you
hor na kise / no one else
mangni merian bala / wanted my demons
tere bin / besides you
hor na kise / no one else
karni dhup vich chhan / shall shade me in the sun
jiven rukia / (the) way you paused
si tun zara / slightly
nahion bhulna / i shan’t forget
main sari umar / all my life
jiven akhia si akhan chura / you said, looking away
“rovenga sanu yad kar” / “you shall weep in my memory”
hasia si main hasa ajeeb / i laughed a strange laugh
(par) tu nahi si hasia / but you didn’t
dil vich tera jo raaz si / you had a secret in your heart
mainu tu kyon ni dasia / why didn’t you tell me
tere bin / besides you
sanu eh raz / none shall tell this
kise hor nahion dasna / secret to me
tere bin / besides you
peerh da ilaaj / what druid
kis vaid kolon labhna / has the cure to my ills
milia si ajj mainu / i found today
tera ik patra / a note of yours
likhia si jis ‘te / on which you had scribbeled
tun shayr varey shah da / a varis shah couplet
park ke si osnu / upon reading which
hanjnu ik duliya / a teardrop fell
akhan ‘ch band si / what was locked in the eye
seh raaz ajj khulia / was revealed today
ki tere bin / that other than you
eh mere hanjnu / these tears of mine
kise hor / won’t be kissed by
nahio chumna / none else
ki tere bin / that other than you
eh mere hanjhu / these tears of mine
mitti vich rulnha / will wither in the dust
there is absolutely no one to talk to. to care. to understand the suffering. to see my heart. it feels like all my insides are ripped apart. there are so many things to say, so many questions to ask, so much anger and at the same time so much love and just one person i would like to share with but whose doors are forever shut for me. i wish i could bury all these thoughts and feelings deep inside me but instead it just keeps piling up. like u r locked in a small room with nothing but a water tap running continuously and one small door which is permanently shut for u. u r locked inside the room and the water reaches from ur waist to ur neck and u know that no one is going to come to rescue u till u asphyxiate.
softness
the tender touch
a small kiss on my eyes to make me fall asleep in his arms
the warmth of his chest against mine in a tight hug
the feel of his hand on my waist wen he moves me slowly towards him
the way he tenderly picks up those hair on my face and rests them behind my ear
the magic of those soft lips pressed to mine
the way my fingers are tightly locked into his
the beating of his soft heart wen my head rests against his chest
this track reminds me of all those beautiful moments
at one moment it seems that wat i am doing is right. this is wat i am supposed to do and i might even be happy and satisfied in future. and at exactly the same moment some other part of my mind thinks the complete opposite. the thoughts just does not stop. my mind is like a battlefield where innumerable parts of my mind keep fighting with each other continuously and i am just sitting there helpless. i wish i could scratch my head cut it open and pull my mind out and stab it hard, and keep ripping it apart till i feel satisfied.
i have come this far. i have almost reached my goal. i have climbed the most difficult steps. and everything in the universe has helped me reach this far. so many years it took me to come to this stage. all this time i have been so sure of wat i want. and if i have any doubt there will be signs all around me screaming to me to do this. i left everyone behind on this journey. i fought wid all the things and people who tried to stop me. i never gave up no matter what came in my way. i kept on walking climbing to the top all alone hoping to be free. as free as a bird. but now everything seems wrong. its like i have to walk backward now if i want to survive. it feels like i will be locked in that shell again for all my life and will never be able to live freely. all the dreams have shattered.
